At writing group, we did an exercise where we had to write “instructions for use” for something that doesn’t generally have them. This is what I wrote, presented as I wrote it at the time without edits.
Caution- Improper use of The Brain may lead to depression, anxiety, delirium, delusion, anger, or desperation. Exercise care until you know how use of the brain may impact you.
Directions for use-
In order to best use the Brain, repetition will likely be necessary. If your initial attempts fail, do not attempt to return The Brain as the problem will likely resolve itself over time. Also returns are not possible with the Brain in the unlikely event that these problems do not resolve.
Do not attempt to “think from the gut” as such may interfere with proper use of The Brain.
In order to use the brain for creative work, it is best to have a tremendous number of important tasks that need to be done to put off while doing the creative work. If you are full of free time, you may find any efforts to use the brain for such work thwarted.
Using the brain for memory is generally reliable but some blanks may occur. These most often occur during game shows or prepared presentations. In order to avoid such blanks, it may be best to avoid situations in which they are triggered. This is a feature of the brain that allows for things to remain interesting. It is not a bug- and will not be repaired in future versions of the Brain. Do not wait for Brain 2.0 for this to be addressed.
When using the brain to make important decisions, it is best to avoid any use of alcohol or other mind altering substances. Ignoring this warning may lead to regret, unplanned pregnancies, or loss of job, property or health. Always exercise extreme caution in use of brain for making choices to avoid undesirable outcomes.
Please be aware that future bulletins may revise, alter, or completely scrap all the currently guidelines for brain use.
Your experience with The Brain may vary.
***Ingredients (which will vary from brain to brain) include: memories, dreams, logic, hope, despair, delusions, joy, ideas, visions, impulses, mathematics, words, useless trivia, important data, incorrect song lyrics, and grey gloop